KANATA, ON -- Yesterday, an Afghani Modcell staged a brazen, daylight raid on Canadian Military base Fort Portmanteau. ‘This base is located a sobering 2km from Ottawa’s Parliamentary buildings’ said Brigadier-General David Fraser, ‘so, obviously we were not prepared for such a potent, metrosexual attack.’ A senior spokesperson for the cell, Mr. al-Haute Couturi, promptly claimed responsibility for the raid. During his apologetic webcast, Couturi explained ‘We simply confused Fort Portmanteau with the Soho Betty Boutique; therefore, as a gesture of good faith, we’ve arranged for 1,000 exclusive pieces of Tom Binns jewellery to be shipped to the brave men & women, currently stationed overseas with the Canadian Armed Services. ‘Tom Binns’ gushed a giddy Brigadier-General, ‘He is so hot right now!’
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