There Was a Silence in Heaven About the Space of a Half an Hour

Ryan Bird once played
a life-or-death game of chess
against a stylized,
Swedish personification
of Death.

Despite emerging victorious,
he later lost his soul
to the nimble-fingered spectre of
Ingmar Bergman
during a life-or-death
game
of KerPlunk.

Terminal Velocity Walrus

“What now?” asked the man who was straddling the plummeting walrus. His name was Richard Morningstar. He was riding a walrus for only the second time in his life, and he was pretty sure he was doing it wrong.

“I must admit something to you, Richard,” said the walrus. “I’m afraid I’m not quite the aviator that I’ve led you to believe. Also, I’m afraid that our inescapable freefall will be the end of us.”

“Hunh,” said Richard. There was an awkward pause as Richard’s life worked up the courage to flash itself before his eyes. In the mean time, Richard did exactly what most humans would do, if placed in a similar situation. He quoted something he didn't believe in, just to keep up polite conversation.

Here is what he said: "The desire of power in excess caused the angels to fall; the desire of knowledge in excess caused man to fall."

“Hunh,” said the walrus. There was an awkward pause as the walrus mulled over the unexpectedly poignant words of Francis Bacon. The walrus was intrigued by Richard’s choice of imagery. His walrus-mind began to reel. In this scenario, was he the walrus the fallen angel, guilty of overstepping the natural order; or was he the man, guilty of overextending his natural desire? Or better yet, perhaps the walrus was a scathing social commentary on the excessive fallout of free will.

In the end, the walrus doubted the validity of any such theories. He was pretty sure he was just being taught a lesson by some higher power. He also figured he probably had it coming.

On the other hand, Richard did not know what to believe; other than the fact that he didn’t have anything coming. That’s why Richard figured he was being taught a lesson from some lower power, namely the ground, which was rising toward him at a seemingly excessive rate of speed. He also figured that he’s offended some powerful universe force, or something.

It was about that time that Richard's mind started to wander back to this life on the ground. Back there, Richard was a pretty well-to-do guy. Among other notable achievements, Richard Morningstar had patented a series of compatibility tests, which were sold to the online-dating conglomerate, Icarus Unlimited. He was also the sole surviving heir to the Plummet Brother’s Thermometer fortune. In short, Richard’s rather pleasurable life finally flashed before his eyes, at a seemingly excessive rate of speed.

Then something truly unexpected happened. The walrus and Richard opened up their respective mouths, and said the exact same thing at the exact same time. It was a therapeutic moment for both creatures. They had finally found themselves able to articulate a profound truth; moreover, they realized that they had done so together. In the face of their deadly fall, they had attained some sort of practical enlightenment, or something.

Here is what they said: “I’m sure back home, they think I’ve lost my mind.”

Oh, Career Ambitions

Ryan
hopes
to
maximize
his
professionalism
potential
inside
of
an
honourable
facetime
continuum,
etc.