“Why in moments of crisis do we ask God for strength and help? As cognitive beings, why would we ask something that may well be a figment of our imaginations for guidance? Why not search inside ourselves for the power to overcome? After all, we are strong enough to cause most of the catastrophes we need to endure."
- Bill Schell
A national debate has been sparked in Springboro, Ohio as a devout Catholic coffee-drinker named Michelle Incanno was outraged by the Theophobic quote printed on the side of her cup.
‘As someone who believes in God, I was so offended by that’ said the emotional mother of three, ‘I don’t think there needs to be a religious dialogue on it. I just want coffee.’
In a similar story, an internal debate has been sparked within the minds of judgemental undergraduates.
‘As someone who believes in Noam Chomsky, I was so confused by that’ said one shell shocked teen, ‘I was so eager to dump on organized religion that I found myself allied with a… corporation.’
When asked to comment upon the brewing controversy Starbucks spokesperson Sanja Gould refused to speak on record until the media stopped using coffee-related puns.
Fortunately, Starbuck’s junior spokesperson was willing to imply that public interpretation of the offending quote was simply a steaming mug of rich, Kenyan semantics. ‘We are talking about Starbucks here, people’ said the source ‘this is a place where Tall means “small”, Grande means “medium” & Venti means “large”. Why are people suddenly taking us literally?’
- Bill Schell
A national debate has been sparked in Springboro, Ohio as a devout Catholic coffee-drinker named Michelle Incanno was outraged by the Theophobic quote printed on the side of her cup.
‘As someone who believes in God, I was so offended by that’ said the emotional mother of three, ‘I don’t think there needs to be a religious dialogue on it. I just want coffee.’
In a similar story, an internal debate has been sparked within the minds of judgemental undergraduates.
‘As someone who believes in Noam Chomsky, I was so confused by that’ said one shell shocked teen, ‘I was so eager to dump on organized religion that I found myself allied with a… corporation.’
When asked to comment upon the brewing controversy Starbucks spokesperson Sanja Gould refused to speak on record until the media stopped using coffee-related puns.
Fortunately, Starbuck’s junior spokesperson was willing to imply that public interpretation of the offending quote was simply a steaming mug of rich, Kenyan semantics. ‘We are talking about Starbucks here, people’ said the source ‘this is a place where Tall means “small”, Grande means “medium” & Venti means “large”. Why are people suddenly taking us literally?’
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