Dear Phil,
I play a grand piano with my fists
so that our audience can appreciate
the ferocity with which I guard my
secret crushes. I have a secret crush
on my drummer because he walks
like John Bonham & has got really
intricate knuckles. I instruct the bass
player to pluck her bass strings as if
God Himself were taking its pulse.
Soon, I wonder whether my bass
player’s fingers have ever secretly
strummed the blue electric line of
my drummer’s forearms. Therefore,
during a precautionary piano solo,
I decree that our bass player shall
be immediately replaced by a three-
piece horn section. They perform
endearing choreography between
our trademark chord progressions.
In the crowd, a barefoot girl on her
boyfriend’s shoulders air guitars
You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling.
Sincerely,
Ryan
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