Today, at 12:16 pm, I recieved this email from the Co-Founder & President Brand X Press:
Ryan,
Bad news, I am afraid. The review board for the Press has overruled me on the potential publishing of your chapbook 'A Foldout Map...' noting my own guidelines dealing with number of books previously published by a possible author. You have 5 books listed - that's two too many.
You, my gentle reader, must understand that said email graced my inbox almost a year after they initially agreed to publish said manuscript on December 13th, 2006. In fact, said email said:
Ryan,
The submission board has decided to accept your mss. for the Fall 2007 season. Congrats and we look forward to working with you in the near future.
Oh, but here is the kicker: on December 1st, 2006, they asked me about those '5 books listed'. I told them that the 5 books were not all mine; they were books published by my small press vanity imprint known as Um, Yeah Press. In my reply email of December 2nd, 2006, I clarified that:
Of the five chapbooks, two are by other people ... and the remaining three are by me. They each have about 8-10 photocopied poems and are often given out for free after my poetry readings.
Cheers,
Ryan
To which, the Co-Founder & President of Brand X Press replied on December 5th, 2006:
thanks for straightening that out for me
So there it is. After ten months of expecting a book, promoting a book, & recieving pats on the back from friends, family & well-wishers about the book, I now must tell them that I have no forthcoming book. Why do I not have a forthcoming book? Because I photocopied & folded 'two too many' small press chapbooks to be of interest to Brand X Press.
Oh yes, gentle reader, as I am sure you've paid attention, I am sure you've noted that on December 1st, 2006, I made them aware that I only published THREE books of my own, thus placing me within the guidelines of the Co-Founder & President of Brand X Press.
Your lesson for today, my friends: Small presses are simply saddlestitched millstones for your literary career. Prepare for personal & professional embarrassment. Hooray.
Ryan,
Bad news, I am afraid. The review board for the Press has overruled me on the potential publishing of your chapbook 'A Foldout Map...' noting my own guidelines dealing with number of books previously published by a possible author. You have 5 books listed - that's two too many.
You, my gentle reader, must understand that said email graced my inbox almost a year after they initially agreed to publish said manuscript on December 13th, 2006. In fact, said email said:
Ryan,
The submission board has decided to accept your mss. for the Fall 2007 season. Congrats and we look forward to working with you in the near future.
Oh, but here is the kicker: on December 1st, 2006, they asked me about those '5 books listed'. I told them that the 5 books were not all mine; they were books published by my small press vanity imprint known as Um, Yeah Press. In my reply email of December 2nd, 2006, I clarified that:
Of the five chapbooks, two are by other people ... and the remaining three are by me. They each have about 8-10 photocopied poems and are often given out for free after my poetry readings.
Cheers,
Ryan
To which, the Co-Founder & President of Brand X Press replied on December 5th, 2006:
thanks for straightening that out for me
So there it is. After ten months of expecting a book, promoting a book, & recieving pats on the back from friends, family & well-wishers about the book, I now must tell them that I have no forthcoming book. Why do I not have a forthcoming book? Because I photocopied & folded 'two too many' small press chapbooks to be of interest to Brand X Press.
Oh yes, gentle reader, as I am sure you've paid attention, I am sure you've noted that on December 1st, 2006, I made them aware that I only published THREE books of my own, thus placing me within the guidelines of the Co-Founder & President of Brand X Press.
Your lesson for today, my friends: Small presses are simply saddlestitched millstones for your literary career. Prepare for personal & professional embarrassment. Hooray.
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