WATERLOO, ON -- Just when it appeared that the purge of Evolutionary Theory from public school systems was all but ‘a slam dunk’, a new scripture-based movement is poised to recapture our faith-based hearts & minds. Yesterday, scienticians from Waterloo University’s Center for Bumptious Adherence, declared that St. Augustine’ canonical theory of Natural Theology was so spurious that they were forced to create a new theory, Intelligent Default.
‘Existence is not progressive, it is regressive’ said Professor Stuart Burgess, a devout chemist from Bristol, who would later add ‘to look anywhere, but towards God, is blasphemous; however, to look directly at God is to perish from shock. The short term benefits of Intelligent Default in the classroom shall allow children to immediately look beyond God, & focus on some detail in the background; thereby, allowing students to have a general idea of what is Going On, while not having them perish from shock. The long term affects will most likely also be good & stuff.’
Secular response to this new theory has been mixed. For example John Ray, Chairman for the Thomas Paine School of the Performing Arts, was quoted in an exclusive telephone interview as saying ‘Dance, dance, dance towards Heaven’s door!’
When asked for an official response, Heaven Press Secretary, St. Thomas Aquinas released this written statement: ‘Now that, my little dancing lambs, is how we do.’
‘Existence is not progressive, it is regressive’ said Professor Stuart Burgess, a devout chemist from Bristol, who would later add ‘to look anywhere, but towards God, is blasphemous; however, to look directly at God is to perish from shock. The short term benefits of Intelligent Default in the classroom shall allow children to immediately look beyond God, & focus on some detail in the background; thereby, allowing students to have a general idea of what is Going On, while not having them perish from shock. The long term affects will most likely also be good & stuff.’
Secular response to this new theory has been mixed. For example John Ray, Chairman for the Thomas Paine School of the Performing Arts, was quoted in an exclusive telephone interview as saying ‘Dance, dance, dance towards Heaven’s door!’
When asked for an official response, Heaven Press Secretary, St. Thomas Aquinas released this written statement: ‘Now that, my little dancing lambs, is how we do.’
No comments:
Post a Comment