Tom Cruise is Trapped Inside of Our Guest Bathroom.

Tom Cruise is trapped inside of our guest bathroom.
The room has novelty doors that swing like Western movie saloons.
Sometimes, we hear fire-fights from behind the bathroom doors.
Other times, we hear the distinct sounds of Tom Cruise eating our fancy, lavender-scented guest-soap, for he has confused them with chocolatey swag-bag truffles.

Tom Cruise is trapped inside of our Jacuzzi bathtub.
The nozzles that spray jets of Jacuzzi water have all been vandalized.
The Jacuzzi bathtub is now booby-trapped, but I do not blame Tom Cruise, for he is far too pretty to perform inconsequential, household atrocities, such as these.

Tom Cruise is trapped inside of our Water Pik.
The guest bathroom is now full of wide, movie-star smiles.
Apparently, this old-time tooth-cleaner is slightly outdated, and as of late has actually proven itself to be abrasive and damaging to impressionable gum-lines everywhere.

Tom Cruise is trapped inside of our medicine cabinet.
The medicine cabinet is wide-open, and it finally feels free.
Every last beauty product in our guest bathroom has been discarded.
Tom Cruise has decided that my Oxy Clean pads are stealing my brain's precious oils, necessary for cosmic re-enlightenment.