Remembrance Day Song

The monkeys were waving their

crimson bed sheets as the albino

tigers charged forth from the

barrel of my standard issue rifle.

I could hear the piping-hot

organ sounds of The Entertainer,

& the squeak of twisting balloon

animals rising up behind me.

Roasted peanuts crunched underfoot.

My left sneaker stuck to the

floorboards of the elephant cage,

which made no sound at all.

The floorboards would not make

a sound for nearly forty years.

Even if their grandsons asked, very nicely.
Especially if their grandsons asked, very nicely.

Lifestyle Song

Come jog with us, Danny;

we promise to use our vegan powers

only for good.

Jillian Song

"Look,

nobody

wants

to

buy

thier

home

from

someone

dressed

like

a

Spanish

teacher."

Jogger Song

My self-respect feels vaguely like
a shopping spree at Runner's World.

The seeds of my Fair Trade pomegranate
feel more energetic, now that they're healthy.

After a brief cool-down in the lotus position,
my laces untie themselves
like handled snakes.

After School Special Song

As an avid Dog the Bounty Hunter fan,
I should give my aunt a quick sympathy call,
you know, 'bout her Man.

We could dish & junk, about what a big, old clit he is-
Oh, who am I kidding? The smart money says she's

all kinds of racist.

7 Possible Chapbook Titles

1) The Whole Banana Syndrome

2) Naked Ape Seeks Non-Smoking Mirror

3) Screaming Blue Bloody Murder

4) Look Out, His Ray Gun Looks Genuine

5) So, You've Decided to Touch Yourself

6) They Called Him Backsass McGee

7) Each Little Keystroke Sounded Like a Kiss

Blood Sausage Song

This is a stained-glass homage
to my dog: Marley.
Her breed is a mixture
of English blood sausages.
Her temperment resembles
that of cheap luggage.
She will spend hours
licking her right dewclaw.
She will spend more hours
licking our patchwork bedding.
She needs to sit down
using seven distinct steps.
She sneezes in reverse
whenever the Queen
appears on CBC Newsworld.
Also, she likes to bark
at the doorbells
that lives in our walls,
& lick our novelty doormat
into submission.